Things I'm Gonna Do

I keep looking at this and remembering that it exists, I just don't have any meaningful thoughts; when I do, they've been pushed back to my head. Just me making excuses for myself.

I don't make New Years Resolutions. Thanks, Dad.
I don't like breaking promises and that's what a resolution is. If I make a promise to myself I would really rather not break it. Understandable. I think it is, at any rate.

I keep falling behind. Every quarter I say I'm going to fix this and every quarter I fail to.

I smell bread.

The hurricane that blew last night worked wonders
The house is torn, the line is cut; now we see with real eyes
And talk with words that matter and I am not your shelter
As the wind ripped everything I finally felt my lungs expanding

Walk away from the before and into now
Walk away out of the old skin when the old skin's drowned beneath the clouds
Walk away when all the world has blown apart
Walk away into the wet grass when the end is making new the start

Are you the same after the rain? Are you stripped too?
Or is your air overcome by the thought of breathing and perceiving?
Is there a way to make a storm from nothing?
We'd break apart the gallery and with the sky all drained you'd stare for miles

I'm lying out in the rain
I wait for the hurricane
To wash over me ecstatic and free
To help me to see what I have chosen

Autumn Said

"Scarling is very depressing to pack to."
"I've decided that even though we have 347580987349759 boxes of shit, I'm going to pack some unnecessary trinkets too."

"It's the simple things in life."


We're always hoping for the best.
She's not wrong, not nearly. But I guess I'll be damned if it doesn't feel right.
I'm trying to figure out what feels different this time.

We Didn't Start The Fire

Moral of story: No, you really DON'T need that cigarette at four am. Especially when you're hooked up to an oxygen tank.

A Tribute to My Sister

"You a few years ago?" "Essentially"
"You guys look exactly alike." "I keep hearing that, lately."
"You sound very similar."
"If I'm not looking at you guys, I can't tell which one is talking"
"Which one are you, Melissa or Becky?"

I decided to take a few moments today to honour my younger sister, who is growing up faster and faster than I ever could have imagined. She is 5'3" already and only 13.

My sister is five and a half years younger than me.
I'm starting my second year of college in September and she will be entering her last year of middle school.

Melissa has always been the sensitive, blonde-haired angel of the family. As she gets older, her sarcasm, wit and cynicism grows with her. I can only admire this.
She questions everything, from bad music (for the most part) to the improper English that her friends use when IMing.
For all intent and purpose, she is me.



She dyes her hair at least once every few months (usually blue or purple), has her own sewing machine, and is as good with Photoshop as most kids her age could hope to be.
A few years ago, she cut almost all of her hair off to donate to Locks of Love.

She listens to Boston, Journey, Blue Oyster Cult, Aerosmith and the Foo Fighters.
She also likes Hannah Montana and some other Disney Channel music, but she's still young and I liked Nsync for a good year or two, so I can only forgive her.
She owns Pink Floyd, Metallica and Aerosmith shirts. She likes 3 and Freezepop.

If I could pick anyone to be my sister, I couldn't pick one better than the one that I already have. She has blonde moments, talks too much sometimes, and tells stupid stories, but I wouldn't give up that kind of amusement.
She's my favourite thing about going home during breaks from school and the person that I give most of my extra prints to.

You all should be so lucky to have such a good relationship with your sister.

I've Got To Wonder

Why do little girls cause so many problems amongst themselves?

Maybe this is feminist backing or the fact that I was a little girl who was friends with little boys, but shouldn't you like your friends, and not want to start arguments for fun? If you're mad at your friend, tell them and then get a free punch if the situation warrants it, sleep it off, and be happy in the morning. That or just get over it without ever saying anything.

But why would you enjoy being mad at your friends - or the closest you have, at any rate?
I never got "ditching people." If you don't want to spend time with somebody, why would you make plans with them? And if you don't openly like somebody, why would you leave them a comment saying so?
Why is the word "slut" such a frivolous throw-around all purpose insult? It seems more silly to call a thirteen-year-old who has never had a boyfriend (or a girlfriend for that matter) a slut? Sure, maybe if they tried - dressed provocatively and wore way too much make-up, but Melissa? At least make sense in your insults.
At the same time, I don't understand why being a virgin or a "prude" is an insult.
"YOU HAVEN'T HAD SEX YET, YOU WHORE!"
Please develop brain cells before you try to use big girl words.

Why are so many people, girls especially, so incredibly manipulative and two-faced for no reason? With the amount of people it is, it can't possibly stem from some deeper mental unrest. So what is it about girls?


The secret lives of girls, seriously.
Did Lauren Greenfield cover this?

Happy Birthday?

"This Fourth of July, ABC Family salutes America with a Harry Potter weekend!"
Uhm what?

It's Not So Charming When You Live Here

I still hate yuppie tourists and people who take pictures of cows when they come "upstate." I hate every single person who belongs to a Sullivan County or a Hudson Valley group on Flickr who lives in New York City, Long Island and Westchester county and posts their fantastic finds and accounts of their upstate weekend. Yeah, how was roughin' it up in the country? Some some wildlife, livestock and quaint villages? That's swell.
I love when they go back, take a nice look at their pictures, and label everything to let their less privileged friends what and where everything is, so that they too can get a glimpse at how lovely and rustic all of this is.
You'd love a nice rural life in the woods, wouldn't you? A nice summer place, somewhere to spend weekends, a good place to raise the kids! Life is real great for us in our charming little towns with our adorable shops!

It's Alright

Little darling -
It's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling -
It seems like years since it's been here

Little darling -
The smiles returning to the faces
Little darling -
It seems like years since it's been here

Little darling -
I see the ice is slowly melting
Little darling -
It seems like years since it's been clear

I still love the smell.

I can recognize foreshadowing when I see it.

Just a note -

I am so sick of all this rain. The power has gone out here three times in the past two weeks, and it sucks pretty badly. I'm worldly and I know that the Midwest is getting real really badly, but I am still going to whine for a moment. If these storms keep up, there are not going to be any more trees in the Hudson Valley by the end of summer.

Signs of Summer

My sister, Memorial Day.

On: Small Learning Communities

J: it's because they're trying to raise all their test scores so they don't get ridiculed for being dumb shits and thus introduce all this bogus teaching shit that hasn't been proven or works but only in schools with completely different demographics
R: I just don't get how any of it is supposed to raise test scores
J: It doesn't which is why it isn't working. haha.
R: but what's the theory behind it?
R: "In fact, smaller learning environments positively affect grades, test scores, attendance rates, graduation rates, drug and alcohol use, and school safety. Moreover, smaller, more personalized learning structures seem to provide the setting for other high school reforms, perhaps because change is easier to implement in a smaller setting."
R: ... so what?
R: I can see how that MIGHT make sense for really big schools
R: but they're talking about schools with more than 1000 kids, and we barely ever have graduating classes top 200
J: OOPS
R: it doesn't make sense...
R: what they're saying is BLAHBLAHBLAH SMALLER, INDIVIDUAL ATTENTION
R: but we GET THAT already
R: PS - the attendance, drug use and "school safety" thing is all bullshit
J: uh huh.
R: you'd be hard pressed to find somebody who DOESN'T do drugs
J: like, i understand it would be better if more kids graduate
J: but it's not the school infrastructure that's the problem
R: most kids don't graduate because they drop out
J: it's the poverty levels, it's the crime rate, it's the drug circuits- it's outside influence that forces these kids to lose interest
R: it's fucking Sullivan County.
R: Everything here is going to shit
R: there are no jobs
R: no businesses can stay open for more than a year
R: gas prices are up
R: poverty is WAY up
J: yeah, Wurtsboro's a ghost town
R: kids are dropping out to work, which they can't find, so they're doing drugs and trying to make money illegally and going to prison or getting killed
R: maybe if somebody noticed that and GAVE a shit


If I ever felt something was a worthy cause, I think it's only right that it would be home.

This

Something new? Something old?
Maybe just something different.
Another outlet. Something that I don't need, really.